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Sturdy and Serviceable

lo entenderás cuando llegue tu Healing Buttsex

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Bad fic summary assignments!
I'm torn between laughing maniacally and apologizing profusely. I love the brains of everyone who's submitted one. Petra, I swear, this was a random draw.


__marcelo wrote minim_calibre's -- A pink feather boa threatens to change things between Bruce and Dick--4ever. Can Alfred save the day? Warning: Angst and slash

brown_betty wrote sharpest_rose's -- Oracle and Night Wing go to Disneyland but Starfire comes too. Then Dick gets with Garth (I bet you tohght I was gona to write het!! ^^;;; . I wrote this in history class which is why everyoes talking is spelled like olden words, lolo.

chalcopyrite wrote brown_betty's -- Anerotic story of the love that must not be spoken! What happens when the Joker and Batman adimt there feeling. Warning: incest

some_stars wrote jamjar's -- Death is a romantic, but how will this band of heroes convince the Grim Reaper to bring back their just-good-friends teammates? Will it ever be the same again? New relationships, in this world and the next, make it harder still!

sharpest_rose wrote caiusmajor's -- Hal + Olly go 2 C Ammerica, not v. original I no, butt this time their r ponies! & they visit my hi school, but dont wory, know self insert.

petronelle wrote vassillissa's -- Bruce has to say "I love you" in a song. Dick responds in verse.

sister_wolf wrote __marcelo's -- Batman quits to raise a family with his true love, Talia, but a misterious prophecy haunts them. Why is Von Helsyng after their kid? Will Batman save the lustfully vampirized Talia? R!!!! Also Robin, but not geeky - more of an OC wizard *wink*)

vassilissa wrote some_stars's-- tim wants a normal life? O.K! but Then he got kidnaped, now is stephanie's LOVE TEST to save her boyfriend? but What about conner!? will BATMAN put his feet DOWN? *angst and cutting* WARNING, maybe, a 3-SOME??? r/r plz or Maybe i will stop writing?!?

alixtii has chalcopyrite's -- Building A Mystewry Chapter 37/? Novmber rain After the events of the last 24-hours, our hot Masked Heero watches the rain and thinks abot what bruoght him here. Fizzgig pairing, cuz i promised! Some DARK intrspection u maybe won’t like. Plz R/R!!

caiusmajor has alixtii's -- When Babs Gordon finds out the hot gurl in her library sciense class is really Powuh Gurl, she walks in on her nekked! Will Wunda Gurl save the day? Warning: contains an OC but shes not a Marie Sue, I promise!1!! (Oh and sorry about t3h sausage thing.)

jamjar has sister_wolf's -- Raven finds out Robin's dark secret-- he's reealy an elf! Will a love triangle with Beast Boy breka the Titans apart? Warnings for randomness & OOCness!

minim_calibre has petronelle's -- Batman gets hit with, like, sex change cryptoniet except that wont work cause he isnt superman but it works like that anyhows. So he's a GIRL now. Batgirl. Woman. What does Robinn think? Reda my 5 chappies to find out!! Warning: Kinda Weird

Reply here with your finished masterpieces, attempts at bribery or subornation, and imprecations.

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What is going on with all the extra tiny people? Moral support, perhaps.

petronelle brought along a whole posse, it seems. Which I understand! The idea of Batman singing, that is *scary*.

I had to use the rassafrassin rich text editor, because my computer was being buggy last night. grrr.. But Petra does have a posse, it's true.

How did you *know* I'd picked that one out to squee over it at about three different people?

You're magic.

I swear, I printed them out, cut them up, folded them up, and drew them randomly. I mean, I had plans to futz if I drew someone's summary for them, but it didn't happen.

*weeps with laughter*

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*exists in awe of you*

I think that I shall never see
A story as dear as this poetry.

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Hal + Olly go 2 C Ammerica, not v. original I no, butt this time their r ponies! & they visit my hi school, but dont wory, know self insert.


"Okay, so that didn't work. What next?" Connor says calmly.

"It should have worked!" Roy answers, less calmly. "Those stupid clues were a bitch, but I know we had it. The pen should be in one of the lockers."

The principal, whose heart condition probably could have done without a visit from two vexed-looking superheroes, clears his throat. "Well, there's, ah, one more locker, actually. Three-fourteen. Belonging to a --" he checks his printout again. "Kaiya Commycer-Malfoy-Rogers. Who should be in fourth-period English right now, but... isn't."

"Isn't?" Connor prompts.

"No. Ah. Apparently there was some, ah. Jumping out of the window and shouts of 'they'll never take me, I'll be back, you'll see'. And some... evil laughter, the report says here."

Roy pinches the bridge of his nose. "See, it's stuff like this that makes smack look like a mild adolescent rebellion, y'know? Who turns supervillain in junior high, honestly?"

Connor bites down on a smile. "The owner of locker three-fourteen, apparently."

So they open the locker and choke and wheeze a little at the tidal wave of scented air that hits them from the various scratch-and-sniff stickers plastered all over the interior.

Sure enough, there's the pen, in all its purple sparkly feathered glory, sitting atop a notebook covered in drawings of My Little Ponies wearing power rings and Robin Hood hats.

A cloud of smoke puffs into the air beside the locker, and a little man in a silly hat says "Well, I guess you boys have beaten me after all", and the principal faints.

"Are they back to normal now, Mxy?" Roy asks, in the same weary tones he uses when he asks Lian if she actually, really, absolutely wants to keep putting ice-cream on her spaghetti.

"Yes, yes, all right," the little man says, and waves one hand. Sparkles shoot from his fingertips. "Done and done."

Connor breathes out a sigh of relief. "Thank you."

"Can you stick to pissing off Superman in future?" Roy asks. The little man shrugs.

"I just provided the pen. The ponies were pure human ingenuity."

"See, this is why I don't get your 'love all people' deal," Roy tells Connor. "You gotta get at least a little cranky when they pull stunts like this, don't you? I mean, they turned Ollie and Hal into ponies, dude. PONIES."

Connor just smiles. "I think it was worth it to see Mia braiding ribbons into Ollie's mane."

Connor just smiles. "I think it was worth it to see Mia braiding ribbons into Ollie's mane."

And I desperately need to see this illustrated. I mean, I have this vision of Ollie as a palomino, and then my brain gives up.

so, uh, pretend "i can't believe it's not etc." never happened, because otherwise this is HORRIBLE AND MORBID. but:

Death is a romantic, but how will this band of heroes convince the Grim Reaper to bring back their just-good-friends teammates? Will it ever be the same again? New relationships, in this world and the next, make it harder still!

The really irritating part, as far as Booster was concerned, wasn't the fire-spitting hell-dragons, or the zombie-mermaid-tentacle-demons, or even that last thing that looked like a forty-foot-tall ham with a zillion infected eyeballs. No, the monsters had been part of the deal, and they'd dispatched of them fairly if not so much swiftly, even if Guy did have to make things worse by sexually harrassing the mermaid-things, and really, as far as days where he and his ex-teammates invaded the underworld, it had been going well.

And then they all stepped through the giant looming iron gate, with Bea making him and Guy go first in case it was a trap and there were more dragons, and without even blinking they'd found themselves in an earth-tone-decorated bedroom with paintings of fruit hanging on the walls and a mirror on the ceiling above the convert-a-couch bed, and none of that was even the really irritating, really crazy, really mind-destroying thing.

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Bea said, as Ted pulled the covers back over his head. Next to him, a flickering spot of luminous black resolved neatly into a girl, who gave them all a very stern look.

"You might have knocked," the girl said. There was muffled agreement from under the covers, and then less muffled protests when she pushed them off.

"Hey! Hey! Naked!" They both were, in fact, and she was pretty hot--petite, small chest but well-balanced--sort of freakily pale, but good-looking really, except something about her made Booster shiver, and also shrivel a little bit. Guy actually flinched, and Bea swore again, but more freaked out. "Naked," Ted repeated, plaintively. The sheet kept twisting away every time he clutched at it, and after a few more tries he gave up and crossed his legs before meeting their eyes. "So...what brings you to the land of the dead?"

"Well, we were gonna get you back," Guy said, "but it seems like you've got your hands full."

"I can't believe this," Booster said. "And you called me a man-whore."

"Is that Death?" Bea said, and squinted. "I would've thought you'd have a bigger rack."

Death shrugged. "I tried for a while, but it makes the scythe so unwieldly."

"I fought dragons to get here!" Booster glared at Ted. "Actual dragons! With fire!"

"And creepy-ass mermaid tentacle hags," Guy added. "I mean, talk about your nightmare grandma tits. They had scales and they sagged."

"You guys battled the legions of Hell to get to me?" Ted looked genuinely touched. Then he frowned. "Wait, I'm in Hell?"

"Look, I don't know the specifics of the spell, the point is--well, I'm not entirely sure about that either but I nearly got my hair burnt off, and you're coming with us, and that's that." He glanced at Death warily.

She just smiled--her teeth were really, really white--and patted Ted fondly on the head. "You have such sweet friends."

I just might have died in a high-pitched fit of squeeing.

Death. Ted. Booster. Guy. Bea. Hell. The mermaids. Wait, I'm in Hell?

This isn't just great, it even has the right tone for the team. As a matter of fact, this should totally be how they bring Ted back to life in canon.

Death would indeed be fond of the JLI.

Poor Guy. Poor Booster. Life is so emmasculating.

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